The Heller Handful!: December 2013

Now that his horrid, sad day is finally at an end and I have four little boys in bed I can sit here post these few sad but wonderful pictures I got of Ian and the boys as we said our goodbyes today. I was very thankful for the hour plus drive home from base this morning. With a redbox movie in que it kept the boys occupied and gave me a chance to silently cry pretty much the whole way home. I had a lot of time to think. I came to the realization that deployments are like having a baby. Once said baby has gotten to about the age of 2 you forget how horrible you felt pregnant, you forget crying everyday wanting to be done, you forget the aches and pains and labor pains! You then forget the being up all hours of the day and night and how completely exhausted you were for a good two years. Deployments are like this. Even having done 4 I forgot. I forgot just how broken I would feel in the last couple of days leading up to having to say goodbye but especially this morning. I forgot how physically painful it is to feel like your heart is breaking in two and half of it is walking back down the pier to the ship to head out to sea for the next at least six months. I can tell you Id rather have another baby any day than do this again! I thought this time I might be able to stand on the pier and wave goodbye as the ship manuevered away and under the Coronado Bridge. I was wrong. I knew once we got there on the ship that the dam was not just breaking but going to shatter and while some spouses are okay with standing there sobbing I am definitely not. I look at it as ripping a bandaid off slowly. I prefer to say goodbye and leave as hard as it is. I am so thankful for Ian. Thankful that he knows me well enough to know what I need to stay sane and for his willingness to try his best to make sure I get it. As we drove home today Luke was insistent that we turn around and go get his daddy "my daddy" as he says. We took our first countdown star down tonight and after a few weeks I think he will understand that when they are gone he really will come home. At least I hope he will. Owen is taking it the hardest as I assumed he would. His way of dealing with things is to act out and be down right mean and that pretty much summed up the day with him. Defiant, mean and obnoxious. Once he was in bed though he started calling for me again and as annoyed as I was I tried hard to not act upon it. When I got to his room he said I just need another hug and kiss mom. I want my daddy. (sob!) So do I son, so do I. I hope and pray that with some time and some time with his counselor and friends at school that things ease up and he can find a way to regulate his anger. All of us agreed tonight we need a good night's sleep and a fresh perspective tomorrow! The hardest part is over. He is gone. Now we focus on the BEST part of deployments. The HOMECOMING! We are looking forward to family for Christmas and a little road trip. On day at a time. We can do this. I pray this is it. I am slightly over this being apart stuff! Here are some pictures from our morning. I told the boys I would order pictures and we would buy frames for them to decorate. Owen especially loves that idea! Our little artist.

I am so proud of my Sailor of the Year!! The pierside parking is pretty darn awesome too! I had to get a picture of the sign even though Ian gave me quite the roll of the eyes. Can't wait to have that spot for homecoming!